Lose-Lose

We are all familiar with the a win-win situation. This is the ideal when it comes to compromise. Everyone walks away happy and gets something needed out of the deal. After this, there is the win-lose situation, where only one person walks away happy. At least, however, somebody wins. Then there is the lose-lose situation, where nobody is happy and the decided upon course of action satisfied no one. Unfortunately in watching my wife and mother-in-law, it often turns into a lose-lose situation.

Recently a doctor of my mother-in-law wanted her to go for a certain test. It was requested that someone go with her to assist her, and to give the doctor a better idea of the entire situation (Even if my mother-in-law knows the history, and often she does, if you ask her, often times she will not give an accurate description). Since the assisted living facility where her mom stays will only transport people (if arrangements are made far enough in advance), they called my wife.

My wife was not thrilled having to take her mom to this appointment. It is in the middle of the day (the only day that week when she could have gotten some sleep), and it forces her to spend time with her mom in a doctor’s office, which she hates. (Her mom can become loud, and scream at her, and according to my wife, at times even slap her in front of others, so you can understand why she does not want to do it).

When my wife called her mom to tell her about this, her mom hit the roof wanting to know why someone had to go with her. Simply telling her it was what the doctor said was not goo enough. Certainly her mom does not want my wife (her only daughter, and the only one of her two children that lives in the area) to take her. My mother-in-law started screaming. I have offered my wife that I could take her but she (correctly) feels, if there is certain information needed about family history, she is much better equipped than I to answer them.

Honestly, I am not even sure if my mother-in-law will be going to the appointment (and it was one she wanted due to the discomfort of her foot). This, as far as I am concerned, is the classic definition, or example, of a lose-lose situation.