Saturday, June 28, 2008

Take Him Home

I remember one time when I was talking with my parents and discussing how frustrated I was with my son. My parents immediately stuck up for my son and I asked why it was that they thought he never did anything wrong. I guess that is the prerogative of a Grandparent.

Well, my parents also said, “If you live long enough, you’ll see everything.” Well, my parents did not live long enough for me to see this approach change but I have to admit it is a little refreshing to see my Mother-in-law realize that my son is not always correct.

Normally my son and I visit Grandma on Sundays but this Sunday we all have a graduation party so it is unlikely that we will get over there. As a result, my wife decided to take our son over to visit Grandma earlier in the week.

Apparently my son was in a mood when they went over. It was nothing major, mind you, as he can exhibit sometimes. Still, he was being obnoxious and annoying. My wife said that her mom turned to her and told her to take her grandson home.

As I have previously stated in other posts, Grandma lives for these visits. Still, it is refreshing to hear she recognized his poor behavior and not only approved of us taking steps to correct it but actually recommend that. Usually she is quick to defend him.

My guess is, Grandma won’t remember this incident, or will recall it the way she wants, which is fine with me. Still, the fact is, as it was occurring, she did recognize it and acknowledged that it occurred.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Baseball And Parents

Tomorrow starts another Subway series between the Mets and the Yankees. It is a four game set as the two teams will look to make up a rainout from the previous series. That means a day-night, two stadium, double header. Such things are crazy and I really do not like it.

I do not know what will happen in the series but I am sure I will be having some arguments with my Mother-in-law. Since her stroke, there are a number of things she forgets. Sometimes her short term memory suffers and sometimes her long term memory suffers (and sometimes neither). Somehow though, she has never forgotten she is a Yankee fan. I, of course, am a diehard Met fan.

I am sure we will be discussing, debating and arguing. Of course it will all be in good fun (because we of course know who the better team is). When it is all said and done, we will laugh about it, but it aside and ignore it, and move on.

I think there is a strong lesson there when it comes to taking care of parents. Of course it can be difficult and with the emotional aspect that parents hold over their children, it is even harder. Still, sometimes we need to know how to discuss and debate things, serious things, real issues, and then let them go and move on.

If only it were that easy.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Vacation With Grandma

When I was growing up I was fortunate to be able to go on a four to six week vacation every summer with my family. We traveled mainly by car and mostly across the United States. By the time I was 18, I had been to 48 different states and Mexico and Canada (as well as a few countries overseas). My son has heard me talk about those experiences and is now begging to be able to do some travelling.

It is not realistic that we can take the kind of vacation I used to growing up but I was thinking about what day trips we could do. Even a trip to Niagara Falls or Montreal is feasible to do in a day. He was real excited about this possibility and began telling Grandma while we were over there this past weekend.

My son, meaning well, looked at me while Grandma was still right there and asked, “If it’s okay with Mommy and she can handle being around Grandma that much, is it okay if Grandma comes with us”. He asked that question a few times.

When we left I explained that you never want to ask a question like that in front of the person you are asking about. I told him that I thought it was very nice he was trying to be so considerate of the feelings of his Grandmother but there were possible problems that he might not have considered. I explained that Grandma gets tired fairly easily right now and that might mean less time to see the things he wanted to see. I explained that he should not say “If it’s okay with Mommy,” because than it puts the decision all on her. I then asked, “Besides, are you going to want to listen to Mommy and Grandma argue all the way on the drive?”

My son actually agreed that I had some good points. Again, his heart was in the right place but I think that it is important you see the entire picture. Sometimes when you are caring for a parent, you just need to get away for a little bit and I certainly wanted my wife to have that option.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Bloggerwave

Since I started blogging, I have been fascinated by the number of sites available with which you can sign up, register for opportunities and get paid for posting an article, you make money. When I first heard about this, I was a little skeptical but when I found out you did not have to pay to become a member of such services, I decided it was worth a try and things have worked out well.

I recently learned of a new site, bloggerwave. The seem very serious about trying to quickly establish themselves as one of the big names in the business. As best I can tell, they pay $10 for each post you put on when of your blogs.

I wish them well and perhaps I can get my mother-in-law to try it as a way of earning a little income. She probably won’t go for it but you never know.

Happy Being Sad

My mother-in-law was over yesterday for Father’s Day and I was glad she came. Still, things seemed a little awkward. We decided to have a Father’s Day barbecue. My wife and I and our son were there, my mother-in-law was there and a couple who are friends of ours came over (no children, just dogs).

It was a nice day so we were able to eat outside. When we first started, I was grilling so my Mother-in-law pulled a chair over to where I was grilling and sat down. Later on, as everyone came out and sat around the table, my wife’s mother continued to sit by the grill, away from people.

She was invited to join the rest of us a number of times but she simply declined. Later I kiddingly asked her if she was having fun being antisocial. She responded by saying, “I have nothing in common with them,” referring to the other couple that was joining us.

A number of thoughts went through my head. My Mother-in-law has meet this couple before and has talked with them and seemed to enjoy the conversation. If you don’t talk with people you can’t find out the things you might have in common with them. If my father were still alive, he would have been thrilled to have other people around to talk to as he needed people. My mother-in-law needs people too but she would rather be unhappy and complain (and that is something I noticed about her before she suffered the stroke). She is a wonderful person but she is one of these people who is happiest when she has something to complain about, when she has something to be unhappy about. Ultimately, I thought better of saying anything.

I think this comes back to what I have indicated before. She has the ability to fit in and make the best of a situation we all wish had not occurred (suffering a stroke, being moved into an assisted living facility and one that is 300 plus miles away from where she had lived), she just refuses to get involved and partake of the various activities. As the saying gores, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Taking A Vacation

Father’s Day is this weekend, July 4th is not that far away and in-between, the school year comes to an end, for those not in college. The school year has already ended for college students. For many, the events just mentioned can mean a summer getaway, or a summer vacation.

As I think about the things many adults now have to do for their parents, I also think of the things many adults have learned from their parents. Both my folks were able to take the summer off so, each year, the family would take about a six week vacation and travel the U.S. my car (I visited and spent time in 48 of the 50 states before I was 18). We visited everything from Orlando Theme Parks in Florida to Wall Drug in South Dakota.

It was always interesting watching Mom sit down with all the Triple A tour guide books and plan what we would see and where we would stay. She was great at determining a budget and figuring when we would stay at a fancy place and when and when to stay at an inexpensive location. Some vacations we would even stay at budget apartments, but it worked out well.

She had everything down to a science. Now I notice there is Mum’s Holiday Guide, a guide that has input from other people who have visited areas and I think this is a great way to go touring.

As you plan your summer vacation, maybe using things like Travelocity as well, think back to those who did a great job before such resources were available. Yes, it could be done but why not take advantage of what is out there.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Overdone

Of late, things seem to be better between my wife and mother-in-law. I am not sure exactly what has changed, and I still would not say things are great, but the two seem to be getting along fine. Certainly that is a good thing.

My wife took her mother out to dinner on Friday and again, things seemed good. At least that is my understanding as I was not there. She then told me she wanted to invite her mother to join us for dinner that evening, Friday night. That was fine with me but I did have some concerns.

It seems my concerns might have been right on target. While things maybe better between the two of them, spending the whole day in each other’s presence might have been too much. Over dinner, while there were no ‘big’ blowups, you could feel tension and here snipping between the two.

My wife admitted that she probably would have been better off not inviting her mother to stay for dinner. Still, it was a generous offer and things between the two of them are definitely better, so perhaps the day when the two of them can peacefully spend the entire day in each other’s presence is not too far off.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Bad Behavior

We hear it said all the time, but life isn’t always fair. Now, with that being said, I am not talking a tragic situation here that many people have to frequently deal with. I am not even talking a bump in the road. I’m talking about when you see something and think to yourself, “That’s Unfair,” even if you are a contributing party.

As many of you know, Sundays is the day I take my son to see Grandma at the assisted living facility where she now resides. She refuses to get involved with a lot of the programs and claims that “there is nothing to do,” where she lives. What she truly enjoys, the highlight of her week, is a visit from her grandson and I am happy to help out.

This past weekend, both Friday and Saturday, my son had awful behavior. Both days were horrendous (the kind where you question why you ever wanted kids in the first place). Fortunately things got better come Sunday. Still, based on his behavior, he lost all privileges for the rest of the weekend, including going out and doing anything on Sunday, including visiting grandma.

By the way, while he usually does very well with her, sometimes the visits seems to negatively affect his behavior when we get home, so there is a reason as to why we don’t want to take him for a visit when he is acting up.

I couldn’t help but think of poor grandma, who did absolutely nothing wrong. She did nothing to aggravate her daughter (my wife). Still, she now has to go a couple of weeks without seeing her grandson. It is amazing (and unfortunate) how negative behavior can effect many people around you. Of course, the converse of that is true as well, that positive behavior can positively effect those around you, so hopefully next weekend that will be the case.