Happy Being Sad

My mother-in-law was over yesterday for Father’s Day and I was glad she came. Still, things seemed a little awkward. We decided to have a Father’s Day barbecue. My wife and I and our son were there, my mother-in-law was there and a couple who are friends of ours came over (no children, just dogs).

It was a nice day so we were able to eat outside. When we first started, I was grilling so my Mother-in-law pulled a chair over to where I was grilling and sat down. Later on, as everyone came out and sat around the table, my wife’s mother continued to sit by the grill, away from people.

She was invited to join the rest of us a number of times but she simply declined. Later I kiddingly asked her if she was having fun being antisocial. She responded by saying, “I have nothing in common with them,” referring to the other couple that was joining us.

A number of thoughts went through my head. My Mother-in-law has meet this couple before and has talked with them and seemed to enjoy the conversation. If you don’t talk with people you can’t find out the things you might have in common with them. If my father were still alive, he would have been thrilled to have other people around to talk to as he needed people. My mother-in-law needs people too but she would rather be unhappy and complain (and that is something I noticed about her before she suffered the stroke). She is a wonderful person but she is one of these people who is happiest when she has something to complain about, when she has something to be unhappy about. Ultimately, I thought better of saying anything.

I think this comes back to what I have indicated before. She has the ability to fit in and make the best of a situation we all wish had not occurred (suffering a stroke, being moved into an assisted living facility and one that is 300 plus miles away from where she had lived), she just refuses to get involved and partake of the various activities. As the saying gores, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”.