tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85934133822001816082024-03-13T07:29:26.058-07:00Parenting Our ParentsThe Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.comBlogger95125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-20606390296350209752008-08-22T10:00:00.001-07:002008-08-22T10:00:29.611-07:00Don't Bother CallingWhile I may not always say it, I give my wife a lot of credit for dealing with her mother. She has given up countless hours, and even days of sleep, to take care of her mother’s needs. She has done what ever she can to take care of her and to make things easier on other members of my mother-in-law’s family. Sometimes, it is surprising to hear what others have to say.<br /><br />I got a call from my wife yesterday morning that she had just received a call from the Rehab facility where her mom was. The facility noticed something was wrong and was thinking another stroke or a seizure. My wife, when it comes to the day-to-day operations, tries to not burden her brother (my mother-in-law’s son) with all the information because he has made it apparent, through word and deed, he does not want to be bothered. He obviously feels my wife can handle it and probably feels she goes overboard anyway.<br /><br />Still, yesterday, we were talking about a situation that was serious enough to have her taken to the hospital. Yesterday, we were talking about a situation where a woman in assisted living, suffered a stroke two weeks ago and while trying to give her the necessary physical and occupational therapy, suffered what the trained staff at the Rehab Center feared might be another stroke. Of course she called her brother. Certainly, she should have.<br /><br />I was surprised to hear my wife tell me that her brother said she should not bother calling back unless it was something serious. To the best of my knowledge, he did not ask to speak to his mother or call her after he was notified of the situation. He simply did not want to be bothered. I find this response both surprising and unfortunate.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-56829558600923490992008-08-20T13:39:00.001-07:002008-08-20T13:39:56.415-07:00AdvocatingWhat do you do when you are an advocate for someone and the person for whom you are advocating wants something different then what you feel is the best method of procedure. This is the unenviable position my wife is in.<br /><br />Following the stroke my Mother-in-law suffered, she ended up in a rehab center. The rehab center has done a wonderful job with my wife’s mother but her mom is not completely healed. There is a good chance she never will get back to the way she was before the stroke.<br /><br />The rehab center is located in a nursing home and the nursing home has openings to which she could be moved into permanently. My Mother-in-law wants to go back to the Assisted Living facility where she was before the stroke. Her daughter does not think this is a good idea and fears for her mother.<br /><br />My wife has told her Mom the concerns and expressed them in a meeting with the people who run the rehab program to those people. Clearly her Mom feels differently and this leads to tension. While everyone wants what is best, sometime people disagree as to what that action should be.<br /><br />As of the current time, my Mother-in-law is not ready to be released from rehab, thus there is no need to make a decision at the current time. Still, that decision is not far off. I hope everyone can work together to bring the matter to a conclusion and that when it is all said and done, everyone is still talking.<br /><br />I guess, only time will tell.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-10542374134638716912008-08-19T10:15:00.001-07:002008-08-19T10:15:50.481-07:00What'd Ya Do Today?I took my son over to see his grandma yesterday. Grandma is still in rehab following the stroke and my son has been going over almost every day to see her. It certainly helps with the healing process. Now, it I can only get my son to start talking.<br /><br />A typical conversation when we go over there goes something like this:<br /><br />Grandma: “So, what did you do today?”<br /><br />Son: “Not much.”<br /><br />Grandma: “You must lead a boring life. You always say, ‘Not Much’”.<br /><br />That ends the conversation for awhile until Grandma asks him again what he did today.<br /><br />As we were going to Grandma’s yesterday, I asked my son a question and he told me what he wanted to do was go back to the beach. My wife had a staff appreciation picnic over the weekend at the beach and family was invited. My son had fun going in the water and letting the waves push him back into shore.<br /><br />Before he passed away, my Father-in-law (Grandma’s husband) loved the water, loved the beach. I told my son that he should tell Grandma about the beach, that she would love hearing it. Unfortunately, the response I got was that he did not feel like talking. When I tried bringing it up in front of Grandma, my son looked at me and said, “You tell her”.<br /><br />Certainly it is not surprising that Grandma enjoys hearing it more from my son, with the excitement you hear in child’s voice. My son has done more than it is fair to ask anyone his age to do when it comes to spending time and helping his grandmother, so I can’t really fault him or put too much pressure on him. Still, I wish he understood how much it would help with the healing process if he would give her more details of his day (and then I too could learn what he did).The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-63013359896873025952008-08-15T11:54:00.001-07:002008-08-15T11:54:47.074-07:00The Wills Are ...It is amazing what we learn from our parents and how much like them we end up becoming, even when we promise ourselves otherwise. My parents, whenever they would travel would always make sure that the kids knew where the wills were located and gave us information in the event that, G-d forbid, something were to happen to them. As kids, we laughed it off.<br /><br />After my Mom passed away, one time when my Dad was coming to visit me, he started giving my sister all this information. She stopped him. In part, she found it annoying that the discussion was taking place in the airport, as my Dad was getting set to leave. She did, however, admit to me, that she did not want to be forced to think about this at that time. My dad was frustrated when he got up here so, I sat down with him and got all the information he had and put it on the computer.<br /><br />This, of course, does not mean thing don’t rub off. My sister and her family recently took off for a trip overseas. She called be before they left and said, “Not to be like Dad but, the wills are…” and proceeded to give me all the information. I guess, for good and for bad, there is no escaping who your parents are.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-58146112611161744192008-08-12T10:44:00.000-07:002008-08-12T10:45:01.064-07:00A Lawn Or A Life?There is a book of Jewish ethics called Pierke Avot (or Ethics of the Fathers). One thing this text teaches is, a person who saves a life, it is as if he (she) has saved the entire world. Certainly it points out the importance and value of a human life. So I asked, what is more important, a lawn or a life?<br /><br />Let me explain the above question. When my mother-in-law suffered a stroke, my son, her grandson, went to visit her in the hospital every day and still pretty much goes to visit her at rehab every day (or almost every day). Initially, when the stroke occurred, both family and medical staff were not expecting her to come through (hence the reason she was placed on Hospice care). It is certainly by belief that her grandson gave her a will to live and he is the reason she is still alive.<br /><br />Following the stroke, my son and I were out of town for my Nephew’s Bar Mitzvah and upon returning, our lawnmower broke down and needed to go in for service. As a result, you can probably imagine that the lawn got a little out of hand and was in need of being cut.<br /><br />The day that I went out to mow the grass, lawnmower by my side, our neighbor came up to me and started to read me the riot act about how bad the lawn looked and how I had an obligation to the neighbor and the neighborhood. <br /><br />I did not say anything to my neighbor because the truth is, what was being said was the truth. Still, when this individual continued to go on and on, especially since I was getting set to mow the lawn at this point anyway, I did get a little annoyed. I made a comment about my mother-in-laws stroke but I am sure it did not registered.<br /><br />As you can probably tell, I am still a little annoyed over this comment. After all, since we have moved in to the house, up until this point, we have taken care of the lawn. Perhaps our neighbor would have been better served to ask a few questions before saying anything. After all, I would make the same choice again, it came down to it. A life is certainly more important than a lawn.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-8602497244829705292008-08-08T12:15:00.001-07:002008-08-08T12:15:45.134-07:00The Power Of GrandkidsEver since my mother-in-law suffered a stroke a couple of weeks ago, I have been watching my son, her grandson, and have been very impressed. At first, when we thought the stroke literally meant she had only about 24 hours left, my son rearrange his schedule so he could be with her.<br /><br />The stroke hit on a Thursday and my son has a lesson Thursday evening. He was ready to cancel it but I suggested we just cut it short a little bit and he agreed. During his lesson, every time the phone rang, I feared it was my wife telling my not to bother to bring my son to the hospital because her mom had passed away. Fortunately that was not the case.<br /><br />After his lesson, he decided that if Grandma only had a few more hours to live, he wanted to spend that time with her. We went to the hospital that evening and he stayed up past his normal bedtime so he could spend time with her. He decided not to go to camp the following day as well because again, he decided it was more important to be with her than to go to camp.<br /><br />It was also obvious that my mother-in-law was responding to her grandson. She would reach for his hand and talk with him. We truly believe that he helped keep her alive. It is wonderful the power that grandchildren have and it is rewarding when you have the opportunity to witness them decide they want to help others, truly help others.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-23005397399410973162008-08-06T09:57:00.000-07:002008-08-06T09:58:13.963-07:00Another StrokeIt has been a while since I have submitted an entry on this blog and there is a good reason for it. Last time I entered something, I wrote about concern around an argument with my wife and her mom about her mom wanting to drive downstate with us. Well, that argument never happened.<br /><br />Shortly after my last entry, my mother-in-law suffered another stroke, her third. It looked like this was the end for her. When she went into the hospital, her blood sugar was over 400 and her blood pressure was something like 200 over 78. In fact, based on the numbers, a certain medication that they like to administer shortly after someone has a stroke, could not be given. <br /><br />My mother-in-law was unable to eat and kept pulling the IV out of her arm. In fact, they ultimately took her off the IV and moved her onto Hospice. A couple of days later, however, she was moved off, by Hospice, since she was doing so much better.<br /><br />My mother-in-law was not eating, was not drinking (finally she drank a little bit) and was not getting medication, yet she was doing better. This is a woman who has said numerous times that she wants to die, yet the thought running through my head is, “This is not true”. Based on the damage the stroke did and what everyone expected, I believe that the only way you survive something like this is if you have a will to fight and, if you have a will to fight, then you do not really want to die.<br /><br />At this point, she has been moved into a rehab center. It appears as though the stroke has done some permanent damage, but nothing nearly as severe as first believed. I think the positive to this is, hopefully, it will give my wife and her mom and opportunity to resolve any issues between them. Hopefully, other people reading this who have unresolved issues with a parent, will also decide this is the time to resolve them.<br /><br />Good luck!The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-53185195504030261382008-07-24T15:47:00.001-07:002008-07-24T15:47:27.886-07:00Planning A Bar Mitzvah<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'>It is amazing the way different people operate. My nephew will become Bar Mitzvah in a couple of weeks. I have, obviously, been notified about the event and the family will be travelling down state for the event. Still, the other day, I got a call from my sister asking me about printing out address labels on the computer. The event is less than three weeks away and the invitations have still not yet been mailed.<br /><br />A few years ago, some close friends were preparing for the Bat Mitzvah of their daughter. When it came to invitations, they went out late. When it came to putting a program together, two days before the ceremony, it was still being worked on.<br /><br />My son’s Bar Mitzvah will be in about three years. I realize that is still a ways away but I cannot imagine cutting things so close. I may not be the quickest or most efficient but certainly I would not wait until the last minute.<br /><br />My wife is worse than I. For our son’s first birthday, she booked the party six months in advance and had everything set to go. Certainly she would not let me wait that long and she would certainly take the bull by the horns if I did.<br /><br />Perhaps those people know something I don’t. In the case of my friends, the ceremony came off just fine. In the event of my sister, I am sure most people will still get in for the ceremony. Still, I could not live that way.<br /><br />Too each his/her own.<br /></div>The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-25293408496970582682008-07-23T13:03:00.001-07:002008-07-23T13:03:40.978-07:00I Want To Go TooMy nephew’s bar mitzvah is rapidly approaching and my wife, son and I will be heading down state for the festivities. We will be driving as that will be the easiest thing and I am sure we will all have an enjoyable time and I have every confidence my nephew will do very well. My wife recently asked, however, for my Mother-in-law’s address. I am sure she wants to send an invitation and it will be interesting to see how this plays out.<br /><br />My Mother-in-law is probably going to want to go. She will indicate that since we are driving, we could easily take her. I already know my wife will not like the idea. First off, she is not going to want to be responsible for her mother for the entire weekend. Second, she is not going to want to share an eight hour car trip with her mother, actually two eight hour car trips within three days if you include the drive there and back.<br /><br />The question is how it plays out. I am not sure if my Mother-in-law will really try and push this. I am not sure how my wife will push back. I can see this being a calm situation and I can see this turning into a major blow up. All I can do is hope for the best.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-18489702152280131612008-07-22T13:23:00.000-07:002008-07-22T13:24:40.978-07:00Talking AgainI think my wife and my mother-in-law are speaking again, but I am not sure. I love the way things work.<br /><br />As I indicated in a pervious post, the two had gone awhile without speaking, about a week. My mother-in-law told her daughter not to call her if all she (her daughter) was going to do was aggravate her (my mother-in-law). <br /><br />My wife listened. My wife decided that she is the one who does all the leg work and goes crazy trying to accommodate her mother’s schedule. As a result, my wife decided it was not worth it and did not call her mom or speak with her for some time.<br /><br />Now, apparently the other day, my mother-in-law called and spoke to my wife as if nothing had ever happened. Such conversations leave my wife surprised and wondering if her mother regrets not speaking to her daughter and not having her daughter take care of all her needs or if she simply does not remember that the two of them were fighting, or at least does not recall the conversation where she told her daughter not to call.<br /><br />I am a firm believer that a selective memory can be a good thing as it lets us remember things as we need to, as is important for us to recall them. Still, something like this has got to be a little confusing.<br /><br />Well, let’s see how long they stay talking to each other this time.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-29494068330136446342008-07-21T12:07:00.001-07:002008-07-21T12:07:32.391-07:00DignityThis past weekend, I met a new person at the Assisted Living Facility where my Mother-in-law lives. She is a person who just moved in and she was there with some family members, her husband and her daughter, I believe, neither one of whom lives in the facility.<br /><br />When I was there with my son, this new person, along with my Mother-in-law and a number of other people, was in the library. At some point the conversation turned towards giving this woman all the necessary keys to the building. <br /><br />The conversation started when the woman’s husband said, “Let me give you the keys”.<br /><br />The woman’s daughter than said something like, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’ll just lose them”.<br /><br />The new resident was arguing how she would not lose the keys but her daughter was talking about how she already lost a previous set.<br /><br />I was thinking to myself that having this conversation in the library, in front of other residents, and in front of me and my son, had to make this new resident feel uncomfortable. I know I would not want someone talking about my memory loss, or what ever problems were being discussed, in front of everyone, including people I just met and strangers.<br /><br />I truly think sometimes when a loved one is moved into such a facility, the family members not living there lose sight of how they need to be treated, of what to say and not to say in front of others, of ways to show the individual that s/he can still have some of the independence that was once had.<br /><br />I strongly urge people who are moving loved ones to such a facility to try and find a way to allow the person to maintain some independence and some dignity. Unfortunately, this does not always happen.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-52848908122937428272008-07-14T19:44:00.001-07:002008-07-14T19:44:21.405-07:00Not Talking Again<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'>My wife and Mother-in-law are at it again. My Mother-in-law wanted a checkbook and my wife was not so crazy about giving her one. My wife’s mom writes checks without telling her daughter and since her daughter is the one who handles her mother’s affairs, it makes things difficult.<br /><br />My father always said that was one of the reason he did not want to gift money or have someone else in charge of his affairs, because to have to ask someone else for your own money is difficult. “What if I want to buy the kids a present” he would ask, “They are the ones handling the money so they would know”. What if I want to get something for the grandkids without letting anyone know in advance”?<br /><br />I certainly understand my father’s reaction so I can see where my Mother-in-law is coming from. Still, when she calls, she wants my wife to drop everything even though she does not need things immediately. She wanted the money when she called even though she did not need it then. <br /><br />My wife told her she was not able to just drop everything at the current time. Her mother responded by saying, “Don’t talk to me if you are just going to aggravate me”. That was three days ago and they have not talked since (so my wife listened to her mother). <br /><br />The two of them go through stages. I wonder how long this one is going to last?<br /></div>The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-5694326814233618632008-07-08T14:20:00.001-07:002008-07-08T14:20:52.800-07:00Finding Humor<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'>This past Sunday my son and I went to visit my Mother-in-law (MIL) as we often do on Sundays. I felt like I was watching an Abbot and Costello routine. My Mother-in-law and a number of other women are sitting in the library of the assisted living facility and the conversation went like this:<br /><br />Woman 1: You know they are showing a movie in the Great Room.<br /><br />Woman 2: When?<br /><br />Woman 1: Now.<br /><br />MIL: What are they showing?<br /><br />Woman 1: I don’t know. (Looking towards women 2), “Why don’t you check?<br /><br />Woman 2 gets up and walks to the great room.<br /><br />MIL: So what are they showing?<br /><br />Man 1 (passing by woman 2): Howdy.<br /><br />Woman 2 (not having heard MIL’s comment but responding to Man 1): Howdy Doody.<br /><br />MIL (not having heard Man 1’s greeting to Women 2): “There showing Howdy Doody?” (and upon getting no response asks) Who said they’re showing Howdy Doody?<br /><br />I certainly do not like to make fun of people who have physical issues, in this case people who’s hearing is not what it used to be, but I did find the situation humorous. I guess considering I frequently bring my son over and do what I can to help out, I am entitled to occasionally find humor in a situation I should not view as funny.<br /></div>The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-39294422206506572132008-07-05T06:01:00.001-07:002008-07-05T06:01:54.960-07:00ConsequencesUnfortunately, sometimes our actions can have an impact long after the initial action takes place. A few weeks ago I commented about a Father’s Day Barbeque that we had and how my Mother-in-law just sat away from everyone else, refusing to talk or even have an enjoyable time.<br /><br />My wife decided to invite a few friends over for a Fourth of July barbeque (and a Happy Independence Day to one and all). She planned this a couple of weeks in advance. This time she did not invite her mother. Since a number of the people were the same, my wife did not want to make her mom feel uncomfortable, nor did she want to make the other people feel uncomfortable. After all, if one of your guests refuses to get involved with everyone else, it can leave everyone with an awkward feeling.<br /><br />I am not sure if my Mother-in-law would have liked to have been there. I am not sure if she wanted an invitation. Still, those of us who gathered found the evens enjoyable. The actions my Mother-in-law took at our Father’s Day barbeque clearly had an impact yesterday.<br /><br />These types of events, events away from her Assisted Living facility, events with other people, enjoyable events are exactly what she needs. Unfortunately, behavioral issues that you have impact the future. This is not just true for young children. It is true for adults and for parents as well.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-1540106421216631632008-06-28T12:04:00.001-07:002008-06-28T12:04:52.801-07:00Take Him HomeI remember one time when I was talking with my parents and discussing how frustrated I was with my son. My parents immediately stuck up for my son and I asked why it was that they thought he never did anything wrong. I guess that is the prerogative of a Grandparent. <br /><br />Well, my parents also said, “If you live long enough, you’ll see everything.” Well, my parents did not live long enough for me to see this approach change but I have to admit it is a little refreshing to see my Mother-in-law realize that my son is not always correct.<br /><br />Normally my son and I visit Grandma on Sundays but this Sunday we all have a graduation party so it is unlikely that we will get over there. As a result, my wife decided to take our son over to visit Grandma earlier in the week. <br /><br />Apparently my son was in a mood when they went over. It was nothing major, mind you, as he can exhibit sometimes. Still, he was being obnoxious and annoying. My wife said that her mom turned to her and told her to take her grandson home.<br /><br />As I have previously stated in other posts, Grandma lives for these visits. Still, it is refreshing to hear she recognized his poor behavior and not only approved of us taking steps to correct it but actually recommend that. Usually she is quick to defend him.<br /><br />My guess is, Grandma won’t remember this incident, or will recall it the way she wants, which is fine with me. Still, the fact is, as it was occurring, she did recognize it and acknowledged that it occurred.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-4390066292549269632008-06-26T20:42:00.000-07:002008-06-26T20:43:06.679-07:00Baseball And ParentsTomorrow starts another Subway series between the Mets and the Yankees. It is a four game set as the two teams will look to make up a rainout from the previous series. That means a day-night, two stadium, double header. Such things are crazy and I really do not like it.<br /><br />I do not know what will happen in the series but I am sure I will be having some arguments with my Mother-in-law. Since her stroke, there are a number of things she forgets. Sometimes her short term memory suffers and sometimes her long term memory suffers (and sometimes neither). Somehow though, she has never forgotten she is a Yankee fan. I, of course, am a diehard Met fan. <br /><br />I am sure we will be discussing, debating and arguing. Of course it will all be in good fun (because we of course know who the better team is). When it is all said and done, we will laugh about it, but it aside and ignore it, and move on.<br /><br />I think there is a strong lesson there when it comes to taking care of parents. Of course it can be difficult and with the emotional aspect that parents hold over their children, it is even harder. Still, sometimes we need to know how to discuss and debate things, serious things, real issues, and then let them go and move on. <br /><br />If only it were that easy.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-47240609679218961752008-06-23T11:38:00.001-07:002008-06-23T11:38:37.281-07:00Vacation With GrandmaWhen I was growing up I was fortunate to be able to go on a four to six week vacation every summer with my family. We traveled mainly by car and mostly across the United States. By the time I was 18, I had been to 48 different states and Mexico and Canada (as well as a few countries overseas). My son has heard me talk about those experiences and is now begging to be able to do some travelling.<br /><br />It is not realistic that we can take the kind of vacation I used to growing up but I was thinking about what day trips we could do. Even a trip to Niagara Falls or Montreal is feasible to do in a day. He was real excited about this possibility and began telling Grandma while we were over there this past weekend.<br /><br />My son, meaning well, looked at me while Grandma was still right there and asked, “If it’s okay with Mommy and she can handle being around Grandma that much, is it okay if Grandma comes with us”. He asked that question a few times.<br /><br />When we left I explained that you never want to ask a question like that in front of the person you are asking about. I told him that I thought it was very nice he was trying to be so considerate of the feelings of his Grandmother but there were possible problems that he might not have considered. I explained that Grandma gets tired fairly easily right now and that might mean less time to see the things he wanted to see. I explained that he should not say “If it’s okay with Mommy,” because than it puts the decision all on her. I then asked, “Besides, are you going to want to listen to Mommy and Grandma argue all the way on the drive?”<br /><br />My son actually agreed that I had some good points. Again, his heart was in the right place but I think that it is important you see the entire picture. Sometimes when you are caring for a parent, you just need to get away for a little bit and I certainly wanted my wife to have that option.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-10976056040716613462008-06-16T10:40:00.000-07:002008-06-16T10:45:25.494-07:00BloggerwaveSince I started blogging, I have been fascinated by the number of sites available with which you can sign up, register for opportunities and get paid for posting an article, you <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.bloggerwave.com/blog_ClickTrack.php?OpportunityId=31&BlogId=14323&LinkId=0">make money</a>. When I first heard about this, I was a little skeptical but when I found out you did not have to pay to become a member of such services, I decided it was worth a try and things have worked out well. <br /><br />I recently learned of a new site, <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.bloggerwave.com/blog_ClickTrack.php?OpportunityId=31&BlogId=14323&LinkId=0">bloggerwave</a>. The seem very serious about trying to quickly establish themselves as one of the big names in the business. As best I can tell, they pay $10 for each post you put on when of your blogs.<br /><br />I wish them well and perhaps I can get my mother-in-law to try it as a way of earning a little income. She probably won’t go for it but you never know.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.bloggerwave.com" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"><img src="http://bloggerwave.com/blogviewcount.php?pic=sponsorlogo.gif&OpportunityId=31&BlogId=14323" /></a>The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-54473339321976847992008-06-16T10:28:00.001-07:002008-06-16T10:28:31.143-07:00Happy Being SadMy mother-in-law was over yesterday for Father’s Day and I was glad she came. Still, things seemed a little awkward. We decided to have a Father’s Day barbecue. My wife and I and our son were there, my mother-in-law was there and a couple who are friends of ours came over (no children, just dogs).<br /><br />It was a nice day so we were able to eat outside. When we first started, I was grilling so my Mother-in-law pulled a chair over to where I was grilling and sat down. Later on, as everyone came out and sat around the table, my wife’s mother continued to sit by the grill, away from people.<br /><br />She was invited to join the rest of us a number of times but she simply declined. Later I kiddingly asked her if she was having fun being antisocial. She responded by saying, “I have nothing in common with them,” referring to the other couple that was joining us. <br /><br />A number of thoughts went through my head. My Mother-in-law has meet this couple before and has talked with them and seemed to enjoy the conversation. If you don’t talk with people you can’t find out the things you might have in common with them. If my father were still alive, he would have been thrilled to have other people around to talk to as he needed people. My mother-in-law needs people too but she would rather be unhappy and complain (and that is something I noticed about her before she suffered the stroke). She is a wonderful person but she is one of these people who is happiest when she has something to complain about, when she has something to be unhappy about. Ultimately, I thought better of saying anything.<br /><br />I think this comes back to what I have indicated before. She has the ability to fit in and make the best of a situation we all wish had not occurred (suffering a stroke, being moved into an assisted living facility and one that is 300 plus miles away from where she had lived), she just refuses to get involved and partake of the various activities. As the saying gores, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-57645613681113557352008-06-13T07:11:00.000-07:002008-06-13T07:16:07.273-07:00Taking A VacationFather’s Day is this weekend, July 4th is not that far away and in-between, the school year comes to an end, for those not in college. The school year has already ended for college students. For many, the events just mentioned can mean a summer getaway, or a summer vacation.<br /><br />As I think about the things many adults now have to do for their parents, I also think of the things many adults have learned from their parents. Both my folks were able to take the summer off so, each year, the family would take about a six week vacation and travel the U.S. my car (I visited and spent time in 48 of the 50 states before I was 18). We visited everything from <a href="http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/index.cfm/tgt/inspiration_orlando_theme_parks">Orlando Theme Parks </a>in Florida to Wall Drug in South Dakota. <br /><br />It was always interesting watching Mom sit down with all the Triple A tour guide books and plan what we would see and where we would stay. She was great at determining a budget and figuring when we would stay at a fancy place and when and when to stay at an inexpensive location. Some vacations we would even stay at <a href="http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/index.cfm/fa/find.squery/page/1/refinements/regions:1,Property%20Type:apartment,Theme:budget/">budget apartments</a>, but it worked out well.<br /><br /> She had everything down to a science. Now I notice there is <a href="http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/index.cfm/tgt/inspiration_mums_holiday_guide">Mum’s Holiday Guide</a>, a guide that has input from other people who have visited areas and I think this is a great way to go touring. <br /><br />As you plan your summer vacation, maybe using things like <a href="http://www.travelocity.co.uk/">Travelocity</a> as well, think back to those who did a great job before such resources were available. Yes, it could be done but why not take advantage of what is out there.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-46561674333164905322008-06-08T05:36:00.000-07:002008-06-08T05:37:03.837-07:00OverdoneOf late, things seem to be better between my wife and mother-in-law. I am not sure exactly what has changed, and I still would not say things are great, but the two seem to be getting along fine. Certainly that is a good thing.<br /><br />My wife took her mother out to dinner on Friday and again, things seemed good. At least that is my understanding as I was not there. She then told me she wanted to invite her mother to join us for dinner that evening, Friday night. That was fine with me but I did have some concerns.<br /><br />It seems my concerns might have been right on target. While things maybe better between the two of them, spending the whole day in each other’s presence might have been too much. Over dinner, while there were no ‘big’ blowups, you could feel tension and here snipping between the two.<br /><br />My wife admitted that she probably would have been better off not inviting her mother to stay for dinner. Still, it was a generous offer and things between the two of them are definitely better, so perhaps the day when the two of them can peacefully spend the entire day in each other’s presence is not too far off.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-44549370357883459452008-06-03T13:25:00.000-07:002008-06-03T13:26:01.691-07:00Bad BehaviorWe hear it said all the time, but life isn’t always fair. Now, with that being said, I am not talking a tragic situation here that many people have to frequently deal with. I am not even talking a bump in the road. I’m talking about when you see something and think to yourself, “That’s Unfair,” even if you are a contributing party.<br /><br />As many of you know, Sundays is the day I take my son to see Grandma at the assisted living facility where she now resides. She refuses to get involved with a lot of the programs and claims that “there is nothing to do,” where she lives. What she truly enjoys, the highlight of her week, is a visit from her grandson and I am happy to help out.<br /><br />This past weekend, both Friday and Saturday, my son had awful behavior. Both days were horrendous (the kind where you question why you ever wanted kids in the first place). Fortunately things got better come Sunday. Still, based on his behavior, he lost all privileges for the rest of the weekend, including going out and doing anything on Sunday, including visiting grandma.<br /><br />By the way, while he usually does very well with her, sometimes the visits seems to negatively affect his behavior when we get home, so there is a reason as to why we don’t want to take him for a visit when he is acting up.<br /><br />I couldn’t help but think of poor grandma, who did absolutely nothing wrong. She did nothing to aggravate her daughter (my wife). Still, she now has to go a couple of weeks without seeing her grandson. It is amazing (and unfortunate) how negative behavior can effect many people around you. Of course, the converse of that is true as well, that positive behavior can positively effect those around you, so hopefully next weekend that will be the case.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-43253450167087324462008-04-25T12:53:00.001-07:002008-04-25T12:53:48.467-07:00Proud Of My Wife!I have to say that I am very pleased with my wife as I watched her interact with her mother at the Passover Seder this year. My wife did a lot of work in preparing for many guests. It does get frustrating that she refuses to let me do anything, as she wants to be able to do it all. So, as the Holiday started and we were all sited around the table, she had to be exhausted.<br /><br />Her mother joined us both Seder nights. First, I must praise her mother. She was well behaved and, for the most part, did not start in. She recognized all the work her daughter did (not something that always, or even usually happens) and she appreciated it.<br /><br />Then, towards the end of the festivities, her mother made some kind of comment; I do not even remember what it was but it was the type of comment that could be viewed as an insult, or at best a left-handed compliment. I do not think that was the way her mom intended the comment to be, but I am not sure. Still, it was my wife who showed great poise and simply ignored the comment. She did not argue, she did not get insulted, she did not even say anything. It was almost as if she did not hear it (although I know she did).<br /><br />Yes, honestly, I was very proud of her and hope it may be a sign of being able to do this more often which I think will help everyone.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-6429367964298573602008-04-08T18:52:00.001-07:002008-04-08T18:52:57.836-07:00DisneyMy Sister-in-law is pushing for her family and our family to take a Disney vacation together. Her argument is that the kids (they have a daughter, we have a son) are the perfect age right now to enjoy and understand and appreciate such a trip. She also feels it can be done for relatively inexpensive.<br /><br />I agree that the kids are the perfect age and as much as I am not a Florida person, I think everyone would enjoy Disney. I am not sure it can be done for as inexpensive as my wife and I would want, however.<br /><br />Still, money is not the main problem. I would be very surprised if my wife would agree to travel 1000 miles for a vacation and leave her mother back home in her assisted living facility. If we do the trip with her brother and his wife (the one who has proposed this idea), my wife would argue that there would be no one in the state to deal with any emergency should one occur. Even if her brother and family did not go, I know my wife would not go since she is much more detail oriented than her brother and is convinced if a situation occurs she would be quicker to respond.<br /><br />It is a tough situation and I do not know the answer. On the one hand, I think it is important that our son experience vacations (and he really had never been on one in his life with the exception of going downstate to see the grandparents when they were alive and/or lived there). On the other hand, I understand the need to make sure her mother is properly taken care of. So, as usual, I will just roll with the punches and see what happens.The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8593413382200181608.post-11453173866730741132008-04-07T14:16:00.001-07:002008-04-07T14:16:31.790-07:00Stuck In The MiddleWe went out to celebrate my Mother-in-law’s birthday the other day. After we finished eating my wife went home and I took my son and my Mother-in-law out. It was an interesting situation and perhaps is quite symbolic of what happens today when we need to parent our parents as well as parent our children.<br /><br />We decided to go to the library. Of course today’s library is a far cry from what we had when I was growing up, not that I had anything against the library when I was a child, I enjoyed going. Still, today, there are computers with internet connectivity set aside for kids, other computers with kid’s games on them and areas for children to play, play dress-up, play with blocks, play with all sorts of toys.<br /><br />My son wanted to get on one of the computers. My Mother-in-law wanted to look at the books in the large print section. My son, while usually good can get temperamental. My Mother-in-law while unsteady on her feet, refuses to use a walker and certainly not a wheelchair. <br /><br />I found myself going back and forth from one area to the other, trying to look inconspicuous, trying to make it so neither one of the two people would see me. Certainly my Mother-in-law would have protested wanting to know if I did not trust her.<br /><br />Certainly grandkids are great medicine for grandparents. Certainly grandparents are great for grandkids (and my Mother-in-law is my son’s one remaining living grandparent). I was certainly happy to take them both out but it is not as easy as it once was. <br /><br />Well, I guess it is tough getting old, as well as growing up!The Adjunct Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06997451247912489046noreply@blogger.com0