Fighting Through My Son

I think one of the most frustrating things I deal with is watching my wife fight battles with her mother, through out son. I find this very annoying.

“You know, when I was a little girl, Grandma did not give me all the choices I give you,” is a fairly common phrase to hear her utter. She might, upon giving him a present he has asked for, tell him that when she was his age, she wanted a particular present (maybe even the one that he just got) and grandma never got it for her.

I realize that this, in and of itself, does not relate to a child needing to take care of a parent, and yet it relates in so many different ways. First off, if my wife is still fighting these battles, still having these feelings, it makes it more difficult for her to be completely objective when dealing with issues surrounding her mother. In addition, it helps to create tension between my son and his grandmother. Fortunately he handles this pretty well, however, it also allows “Grandma” to actually have more control over my son than my wife would like. It is not uncommon for a grandparent to say “yes” when a parent says “no”, under the most “normal” of circumstances. Now, my son knowing he can get grandma’s approval when my wife, at his age, could not get away with the same things, plays it up.

On top of this, my wife sometimes does to our son, the same things her mom did to her For instances, my wife has complained that her bedtime was ridiculously early when growing up. Still, every time our son has trouble getting out of bed, she suggests that maybe his bedtime should be earlier (and it is already on the early side. I’m trying to make it a little later so he will have more time to get his school work done.)

I have tried to gently point out to my wife that she fights battles with her mom through our son and that some of the things she objected to about her mom are exactly the same things she does (That one is real dangerous to bring uo). Others, people who are professionals in this field as well as non-professionals, have also tried to point out to her what she does.

My wife has, in fairness, gotten better, but she still has a long way to go.

Oh well, why can’t everyone be the “perfect parent”, just like I am-lol.