Sibling Tension

When caring for a parent, it is crucial to make sure that all family members are on the same page. Even if one member has sole power of attorney, or the right to make certain decisions, for the most part, there needs to be some agreement. The fact is, most of the time, we live with our siblings long after our parents are gone.

Before my mother-in-law moved here, into the assisted living home where she is at, she was living in a home, her home, at the other end of the state. My brother-in-law, my wife’s brother was closer to her and did a number of things for her. My wife, however, certainly was involved. She was in touch with her mom at least once a week, went down to see her and when there was a problem, she was there.

Since my mother-in-law has been her, her son has been inclined to let my wife handle things. He calls infrequently, he comes up to visit less than once a year, and pretty much stays out of things, despite my wife calling to let him know what is going on.

The problem, however, is he is not necessarily supportive of my wife’s decisions. He let his sister know that he felt she was wrong for not gifting out their mom’s money. Even if it meant going behind my mother-in-law’s back, my brother-in-law felt it should be done to protect her assets. My wife will not do that.

Still, what is most interesting is, he has not been involved, has let her handle things, he himself legally can do the same things my wife can do (and he did not), yet he can criticize. When parents are going through these types of situations, it is very difficult on everyone. The last thing that is needed is for siblings to be at each other’s throats. Decisions and agreements should be reached early on in the process and all siblings should work together.