Earlier today, I was talking with my wife on her cell phone. It was a bad connection and I was unable to hear her. I asked her, at one point, if she was still there, and she screamed back at me that she was. The scream, however, was not a scream to be heard, it was one of anger and frustration with me for not hearing her.
“Don’t yell at me,” I said. Then I stopped and thought how I frequently hear her say that to her mother. She will get frustrated with her mother, let her mother know it, and then I will hear her say, from my end of the conversation, “Mom Don’t yell at me!”
Of course, no one (well most people) wants to be yelled out. Still, I think there are ways to cut down on the arguments and prevent people from getting angry,
First off, my wife needs to become a little more patient. She gets frustrated if her mother forgets something. Her mom had a stroke, she has memory issues and there needs to be some understanding.
“But, my mom was always like this,” she will say.
As far as I am concerned, even if that is true, you still need to cut her some slack. This is a different time and there are reasons. My wife is not willing to do that. I recall, before the stroke, when my mother-in-law was thinking about getting a computer. A friend of hers told her, “Okay, now you need to get your daughter to show you how to use it.”
My mother-in-law responded that she did not want her daughter to teach her, she wanted her son-in-law. I tend to be much more patient than my wife and really wish just a little of it would rub off on her. It would actually make her life easier because it would improve the relationship she has with her mother.
My wife also frequently works an overnight shift. She will make the mistake of calling her mother shortly after she gets off work and gets home. She has been awake all night, she is tired and exhausted and this is the time she chooses to deal with her mother. I never understood it.
I think changing these couple of things would cut down on the amount of screaming her mom does and make things better for everyone. I could, of course be wrong, but it would still help her stay calm, and that would help me stay calm. The situation would improve for everyone.
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1 comment:
It sounds like you are mad at your wife for yelling at you, so you bash her for getting mad at her mother who yells at her. Neither your wife nor your mother-in-law should be verbally abusive. You are also abusive by publishing this article instead of talking it over directly with your wife. Working at night is very stressful. Taking care of a parent who is sick and abusive is stressful. Having a non-supportive husband is - you guessed it. It is easier for you to keep your cool because you do not have the life-long relationship your wife and mother-in-law have. Are you working nights? Are you helping relieve some of the stress your wife has?
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