Pushing Each Others Buttons

It is amazing how two people can be so close, yet so distant. When my mother-in-law suffered a stroke, my wife was running back and forth to check on her. She missed our son’s first day of Kindergarten, she missed time with him, but she took care of what needed to be taken care of and I was fine taking care of our son.

Following the stroke, her mom suffered anxiety issues and other problems and my wife was basically told by her mother’s doctor, that she needed to be moved into an assisted living home. My wife made the arrangements. She moved her mother to the area where we are living so her mom could see our son (her grandson) and so she could see her mom.

It would be wonderful if that were the end of the story, but it is not. My mother-in-law forgot before she moved up here that she admitted she could no longer live in a house and take care of herself without any assistance. While the woman has not suffered any more anxiety or panic attacks, she does not realize that the assisted living home is one of the reasons, because there is always someone around to deal with emergencies. My mother-in-law thinks she can do it all and does not need the facility.

My wife, on the other hand, does not realize she needs to give her mom some independence. My wife is great at taking care of things and keep meticulous records. Still, while she is happy to do it for her mom (my wife will say otherwise), she is doing it all. My mother-in-law needs to feel that she is still capable of doing some of this on her own, but my wife will not let her.

It is true that if my mother-in-law did some of this, things might get messed up a little, but my wife follows through on everything and checks bank information on the computer at least twice a day. The relationship between my wife and her mother has never been great. Yes, they love each other but I do not know if they like each other and they just know how to push each other’s buttons, either on purpose, or simply accidental.

It is very interesting, and at times frustrating, living this situation. I keep hoping eventually they will each learn how to deal appropriately with the other, how to understand each is just trying to help. I doubt that I will ever see that day, but I will continue to hope.