Dignity

This past weekend, I met a new person at the Assisted Living Facility where my Mother-in-law lives. She is a person who just moved in and she was there with some family members, her husband and her daughter, I believe, neither one of whom lives in the facility.

When I was there with my son, this new person, along with my Mother-in-law and a number of other people, was in the library. At some point the conversation turned towards giving this woman all the necessary keys to the building.

The conversation started when the woman’s husband said, “Let me give you the keys”.

The woman’s daughter than said something like, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’ll just lose them”.

The new resident was arguing how she would not lose the keys but her daughter was talking about how she already lost a previous set.

I was thinking to myself that having this conversation in the library, in front of other residents, and in front of me and my son, had to make this new resident feel uncomfortable. I know I would not want someone talking about my memory loss, or what ever problems were being discussed, in front of everyone, including people I just met and strangers.

I truly think sometimes when a loved one is moved into such a facility, the family members not living there lose sight of how they need to be treated, of what to say and not to say in front of others, of ways to show the individual that s/he can still have some of the independence that was once had.

I strongly urge people who are moving loved ones to such a facility to try and find a way to allow the person to maintain some independence and some dignity. Unfortunately, this does not always happen.