A Mammogram

It has been a while since I posted and I would like to say that things have changed, but they really haven’t.

Last week, my Mother-in-law’s doctor was in touch with my wife that she wanted my Mother-in-law to come in for a mammogram. Now, I’m not quite sure of the sequence of things, but apparently my wife had to make the appointment. The mammogram was with a new doctor, so my wife was making an appointment for her mom with someone neither of them had seen before.

Apparently the doctor needed my Mother-in-law to sign a consent form allowing my wife to set the appointment, due to the HIPA laws. My wife stopped what she was doing, went to get a form and called her mom to come over to sign it.

When her mother got here, my wife cornered her as soon as she walked in, thrusting the paper in front of her and telling her to sign it (or so I was told by another in-law, as I was not here when it took place). She did not greet her mom, give her mom a chance to take off her coat or sit down, it was just thrown at her.

My mother-in-law wanted to know what it was and upon being informed, she refused to sign it. Apparently, she was not convinced she needed one and if she was going to get one, she wanted to be the one to set up the appointment.

I asked my wife what was so terrible about that and was told that she keeps giving everyone a different story as to what is wrong and what hurts and the only way the doctor will get an accurate story is if she (my wife) is there. “Isn’t it better that she at least have the mammogram, even if she doesn’t tell the same story,” I persisted. “Maybe the doctor won’t have a fully accurate picture from the information your mom gives but he will have the results of the mammography and will at least now if something is wrong”.

“Maybe,” my wife responded. She continued, “But, maybe the doctor will refuse to even see her if she can’t tell an accurate story and maybe he will need some family history information in order to get a correct reading”.

Maybe my wife is correct but it seems to me that it is better to have something than nothing and her mom needs to have a feeling of having some independence, even if it is just making an appointment. I don’t know if her mom would have signed it had she not felt “attacked,” when she first walked in the house but certainly, I believe, it would have helped. Certainly, I believe, again from what I heard, that it would have been a calmer situation that would have ended differently than having both my wife and her mom in tears.

As for how this is going to get resolve, I don’t know. I have some strong thoughts but, speaking from experience, I know my wife really does not want to hear my opinions. So, I just stay quiet and try to be supportive.