You have read numerous comments on this blog about my son and how he relates to his grandmother. The power that he has to help people heal and his willingness, most times, to do so. Today it is my pleasure just to praise him for what he does.
As I mentioned previously, my wife and I bought a house earlier this month. We are in the process of moving things in and getting it setup but we are still living in the apartment. This means there is not much for him to do at the house (although I did bring over a small TV, a VCR and some tapes. My wife was at the house painting today and he did an EXCELLENT job staying out of the way (that is what my wife reported back to me since I was not there) and accepting the fact that this needed to get done (which meant spending less time with him).
When my wife finished priming they needed to give it some time to dry before painting. The two of them decided to visit Grandma at the rehab center. Here he was, cooped up all morning and now he has the opportunity to do something and he wants to visit Grandma. He was told they would go out to lunch afterwards but my wife had planned on doing that anyway since she knew it would be, or could be, frustrating for him to be at the house with little to do.
Yes, I can get frustrated with him at times but I am really very fortunate. Thank you to my wife for painting and my son for staying out of her way AND visiting Grandma.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Talking On The Phone
A few years ago, my son must have been four or five, my father bought him a present. My son called to thank Grandpa for the present. Instead of my dad saying, “Your Welcome,” this four or five year old got the lecture. My dad told him he was great at calling to say thank you when he got a present but when he (my dad) called and asked to speak to my son, my son would usually say he did not want to talk to Grandpa on the phone. My dad told him this did not cut it and he needed to talk not only when a present was sent but when some asked to speak to him as well.
“Dad,” I responded, “he is five years old. You are going to lecture a five year old about phone etiquette? When a child calls to say thank you, the only appropriate response is your welcome”. Well, my father certainly heard me on this and I give him credit because he always was willing to listen to such criticisms.
Now, a few years later, I wish my son would understand the power he has to make people feel better simply by talking to them on the phone. Grandma called today (my wife’s mother—the only living grandparent he has left). In rehab, she has her good days and her bad days. This is true out of rehab but when things are changed from the norm, it seems to be more difficult to cope. When my mother-in-law called, she wanted to talk to my son but he did not want to talk. While he is getting better and talking more often, I would like to see him do it more often as he had my mother-in-law in tears simply because he did not want to talk.
True, it is not his responsibility to keep her feeling happy or cheerful. Still, when something so simple can make a difference, I would hope most people, even a nine year old, would be willing to do it.
“Dad,” I responded, “he is five years old. You are going to lecture a five year old about phone etiquette? When a child calls to say thank you, the only appropriate response is your welcome”. Well, my father certainly heard me on this and I give him credit because he always was willing to listen to such criticisms.
Now, a few years later, I wish my son would understand the power he has to make people feel better simply by talking to them on the phone. Grandma called today (my wife’s mother—the only living grandparent he has left). In rehab, she has her good days and her bad days. This is true out of rehab but when things are changed from the norm, it seems to be more difficult to cope. When my mother-in-law called, she wanted to talk to my son but he did not want to talk. While he is getting better and talking more often, I would like to see him do it more often as he had my mother-in-law in tears simply because he did not want to talk.
True, it is not his responsibility to keep her feeling happy or cheerful. Still, when something so simple can make a difference, I would hope most people, even a nine year old, would be willing to do it.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Bathroom Visit
My mother-in-law called my wife this evening to tell her she needed to use the bathroom. This sounded a little strange to me to as I only heard one half of the conversation (my wife’s end) but I got a pretty good idea of the other end of the conversation as well.
My wife asked her mother if she rang the bell for the nurse, so she could help her get out of bed and into the bathroom. Apparently my mother-in-law said the nurse had been in her room a little while earlier and when she told the nurse she needed to use the bathroom, the nurse told her she was too busy at that time to help.
My wife responded by asking her mother what she was supposed to do about the situation. “Mom, I’m 20 minutes away. What do you want me to do about it?” I do not know that I would have responded this way, or put it quite so bluntly, but certainly she had a point. Still, I would hate to think that a nursing home would be unable to help a patient get to the bathroom.
My wife did call the nursing home after she got off the phone with her mom. (I wish she would have told her mother she was doing this so her mom understood that my wife was doing whatever she could). My wife told the person who answered the phone what her mother said and then my wife added, “I don’t really think the nurse said that. Still, could you check.”
I would not have said that I did not believe the nurse said this, I would have waited to hear what the receptionist said first. Still, my wife did not ignore the situation and did what she could to fix it. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and told her she was a good daughter.
“If only my mom felt that way,” was my wife’s reply.
I personally think her mother does know that and appreciates what her daughter does. Still, she does not say it and since she suffered a stroke and is no longer capable of doing the things she once did, I think it is very difficult for my mother-in-law to accept the situation and that makes it seem even more like she does not appreciate what her daughter does.
My wife asked her mother if she rang the bell for the nurse, so she could help her get out of bed and into the bathroom. Apparently my mother-in-law said the nurse had been in her room a little while earlier and when she told the nurse she needed to use the bathroom, the nurse told her she was too busy at that time to help.
My wife responded by asking her mother what she was supposed to do about the situation. “Mom, I’m 20 minutes away. What do you want me to do about it?” I do not know that I would have responded this way, or put it quite so bluntly, but certainly she had a point. Still, I would hate to think that a nursing home would be unable to help a patient get to the bathroom.
My wife did call the nursing home after she got off the phone with her mom. (I wish she would have told her mother she was doing this so her mom understood that my wife was doing whatever she could). My wife told the person who answered the phone what her mother said and then my wife added, “I don’t really think the nurse said that. Still, could you check.”
I would not have said that I did not believe the nurse said this, I would have waited to hear what the receptionist said first. Still, my wife did not ignore the situation and did what she could to fix it. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and told her she was a good daughter.
“If only my mom felt that way,” was my wife’s reply.
I personally think her mother does know that and appreciates what her daughter does. Still, she does not say it and since she suffered a stroke and is no longer capable of doing the things she once did, I think it is very difficult for my mother-in-law to accept the situation and that makes it seem even more like she does not appreciate what her daughter does.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Both GrandKids
My held my son’s birthday party this past weekend. My Brother-in-law, his wife and their daughter came to here to celebrate with the rest of my son’s friends. While they were here, we went to see Grandma. She had both her grandchildren, both her children (and both of her in-laws).
From everything I saw, she seemed to be doing great. She was receptive and friendly. She enjoyed seeing everyone, knew exactly what was going on and managed to do a nice job getting around. She is using a wheelchair and she was able to push herself. She also uses a walker to pivot from the bed into the chair. For years she has refused to use a walker, so it is a good thing that she is allowing herself to use it to help with the recovery process.
For me, however, the most important thing was just seeing how she responded to the grandchildren. She enjoyed having them with her, she introduced them around and had fun showing them off. She held conversations with them (sometimes she had trouble hearing them because she refuses to acknowledge she needs a hearing aid, but I think that is minor), and everything seemed to go as well, if not better, than I thought possible.
I do not know how long it stays like this or how long my wife will feel like everything is okay, but for now, I am just going to enjoy the fact that for at least one day, everything was great.
From everything I saw, she seemed to be doing great. She was receptive and friendly. She enjoyed seeing everyone, knew exactly what was going on and managed to do a nice job getting around. She is using a wheelchair and she was able to push herself. She also uses a walker to pivot from the bed into the chair. For years she has refused to use a walker, so it is a good thing that she is allowing herself to use it to help with the recovery process.
For me, however, the most important thing was just seeing how she responded to the grandchildren. She enjoyed having them with her, she introduced them around and had fun showing them off. She held conversations with them (sometimes she had trouble hearing them because she refuses to acknowledge she needs a hearing aid, but I think that is minor), and everything seemed to go as well, if not better, than I thought possible.
I do not know how long it stays like this or how long my wife will feel like everything is okay, but for now, I am just going to enjoy the fact that for at least one day, everything was great.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Medications
I am hoping that things with my mother-in-law are getting better. My wife spoke with the nursing home where her mom is for rehab and it appears that they were giving her some medication that does nasty things to her. You would think in this day and age it would be easy to transfer records from one facility to another, but that is not the case. Still, after my wife spoke with them, they stopped giving her that med and it seems to have made a huge difference.
In addition, they are giving her a behavioral medication. My mother-in-law would never knowingly take such a medication but they told her it was for her blood pressure and she took it. My wife is thrilled. She has felt that her mother should have been taking behavioral medications and anti depressants for a long time, but she refuses and she knows what medication she gets. Now with the rehab stint, it can easily be passed off as a new medication.
It appears to be doing the trick. She seems much friendly, seems like she is actually enjoying life and she seems to know exactly what she is saying and what is going on. I do not know how long it will last but hopefully for awhile. I personally do not understand why she refuses to take a medication that makes her feel better, but that is for another time. Right now, while all is good with the world, or my mother-in-law anyway, I plan on taking advantage of the situation and doing what I can to have my son visit grandma more often.
In addition, they are giving her a behavioral medication. My mother-in-law would never knowingly take such a medication but they told her it was for her blood pressure and she took it. My wife is thrilled. She has felt that her mother should have been taking behavioral medications and anti depressants for a long time, but she refuses and she knows what medication she gets. Now with the rehab stint, it can easily be passed off as a new medication.
It appears to be doing the trick. She seems much friendly, seems like she is actually enjoying life and she seems to know exactly what she is saying and what is going on. I do not know how long it will last but hopefully for awhile. I personally do not understand why she refuses to take a medication that makes her feel better, but that is for another time. Right now, while all is good with the world, or my mother-in-law anyway, I plan on taking advantage of the situation and doing what I can to have my son visit grandma more often.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Warning Signs
For the past few years my wife has been saying her mother is showing some signs of dementia. I have not given it much heed. Based on their relationship, and based on my experiences with her mother, I thought this was just something that my wife was imagining. Yes, there were issues and I thought some of them could be tied into the stroke her mom suffered, but I did not believe she had dementia.
Yesterday my wife gave her mother a call and her mom told her she was talking to her granddaughter (my niece, who lives about 250 miles away). While my niece and her parents (my wife’s brother and his wife) are scheduled to come up here this weekend, we were not aware of any plans for them to come in earlier. My wife asked to speak to her brother or her sister-in-law. Her mom told her that it was just her granddaughter that was there, that her parent’s dropped her off. My wife then asked to speak with her niece and was told to hold on.
At this point, my wife was thinking maybe she really was visiting, if her mom told her to hand on. Still it was her mom who got back on the phone saying the granddaughter did not feel like talking on the phone. My wife called the facility where her mom was staying and asked if anyone had come in to visit her that morning. She was told “No”. The person at the rehab center with which my wife spoke, however, told her that her mom was carrying on a conversation the night before with her parents, who were under the bed. My mother-in-law’s parents have been dead for 40 years.
I am hoping that maybe the facility gave my mother-in-law some kind of medication to which she had a reaction. There are certain medicines that do make my mother-in-law hallucinate. Still, at this point, I do not think the warning signs can be ignored. I think there have to be some test run to find out exactly what we are dealing with.
Unfortunately what my hopes are do not match what I now believe to be the reality of the situation.
Yesterday my wife gave her mother a call and her mom told her she was talking to her granddaughter (my niece, who lives about 250 miles away). While my niece and her parents (my wife’s brother and his wife) are scheduled to come up here this weekend, we were not aware of any plans for them to come in earlier. My wife asked to speak to her brother or her sister-in-law. Her mom told her that it was just her granddaughter that was there, that her parent’s dropped her off. My wife then asked to speak with her niece and was told to hold on.
At this point, my wife was thinking maybe she really was visiting, if her mom told her to hand on. Still it was her mom who got back on the phone saying the granddaughter did not feel like talking on the phone. My wife called the facility where her mom was staying and asked if anyone had come in to visit her that morning. She was told “No”. The person at the rehab center with which my wife spoke, however, told her that her mom was carrying on a conversation the night before with her parents, who were under the bed. My mother-in-law’s parents have been dead for 40 years.
I am hoping that maybe the facility gave my mother-in-law some kind of medication to which she had a reaction. There are certain medicines that do make my mother-in-law hallucinate. Still, at this point, I do not think the warning signs can be ignored. I think there have to be some test run to find out exactly what we are dealing with.
Unfortunately what my hopes are do not match what I now believe to be the reality of the situation.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The Riot Act
It is amazing how fast a mood can change and how quickly that can change game plans. A couple of weeks ago my wife took our son over to see grandma, her mom. She was in the rehab facility and she seemed to reject him. My wife said, “Tell Grandma about Space Camp,” (The week long summer program he was attending that week) and Grandma said abruptly, “I don’t want to hear about it”.
My son loves spending time with his grandmother and for her, it is really the best medicine she can get. When she rejected him, he acknowledged that it was the situation and not him that caused this reaction. Still, he has less of a desire to see his grandmother.
Then, a couple of times since then when she has sounded pretty good, we had planned to take him over the next day. The problem is, her mood can change so fast, it is different from minute to minute, let alone day to day. On both occasions, she has called the next day in a bad mood and indicated she does not want him to come over. My son can be a handful at times, but with this he is so good and understanding. Still, it deprives him of time with her and her of time with him (which as I said would be wonderful medicine).
The other day my wife got a call from the facility where her mom is and they talked about a few things but one of the things the doctor recommended was not bringing over a relatively young child right now as her mood was not good.
Yesterday when my wife called her mom, she asked our son ahead of time (as she usually does) if he wanted to talk and he said that at the current time he was afraid to talk. My wife called and let her mom know she had to let other help her and needed to fix her attitude. She told her mom that her grandson was afraid to talk to her and that with the way she rejected him last time he was over, he did not want to come over to see her. She had her mother in tears and it seemed to get through. In fact, my son upon hearing this said it sounded like “Grandma is trying to fix her attitude,” and he did want to call her back before going to sleep. He did that and it seemed to make a difference. I just hope that the scare my wife but in to her mother remains and continues to help her fix her attitude.
For now it seems to be good but by the time I post thjs, let along by tomorrow, it could be completely different.
My son loves spending time with his grandmother and for her, it is really the best medicine she can get. When she rejected him, he acknowledged that it was the situation and not him that caused this reaction. Still, he has less of a desire to see his grandmother.
Then, a couple of times since then when she has sounded pretty good, we had planned to take him over the next day. The problem is, her mood can change so fast, it is different from minute to minute, let alone day to day. On both occasions, she has called the next day in a bad mood and indicated she does not want him to come over. My son can be a handful at times, but with this he is so good and understanding. Still, it deprives him of time with her and her of time with him (which as I said would be wonderful medicine).
The other day my wife got a call from the facility where her mom is and they talked about a few things but one of the things the doctor recommended was not bringing over a relatively young child right now as her mood was not good.
Yesterday when my wife called her mom, she asked our son ahead of time (as she usually does) if he wanted to talk and he said that at the current time he was afraid to talk. My wife called and let her mom know she had to let other help her and needed to fix her attitude. She told her mom that her grandson was afraid to talk to her and that with the way she rejected him last time he was over, he did not want to come over to see her. She had her mother in tears and it seemed to get through. In fact, my son upon hearing this said it sounded like “Grandma is trying to fix her attitude,” and he did want to call her back before going to sleep. He did that and it seemed to make a difference. I just hope that the scare my wife but in to her mother remains and continues to help her fix her attitude.
For now it seems to be good but by the time I post thjs, let along by tomorrow, it could be completely different.
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