Checkers

It is so hard to determine if my Mother-in-Law is having a bad day or if she is showing signs of dementia. My wife has been convinced for a number of years her mom has been showing signs. I am not so convinced and truly think she does not know how to relate to her mother.

I still have my doubts as to whether moving her into an assisted living program, 300 plus miles from where she was living no less, was a good move. I have seen her mother deteriorate over the past few years she has been there. What I don’t know is, is it a good thing she is at this facility because she is deteriorating or is she deteriorating because she is here and is not given the opportunity to do things for herself.

In fairness, my Mother-in-Law has some opportunities to do some things for herself, but she refuses. She would rather sulk and mope and that just makes the situation worse.

The other day, I took my son over to see Grandma. The two of them decided to play a game of checkers. They have done this before. On this day, however, Grandma was insistent that the person playing black is supposed to put the black checkers on black squares and the person playing red is supposed to put the red checkers on red squares.

I tried explaining that it really doesn’t matter if you play on the red squares or the black squares (the rules actually say black) as long as all checkers are on the same color, since the game involves moving diagonally. She set up the pieces that way but was all confused and had trouble grasping the correct way of playing.

Later that day the three of us took out a deck of cards and started playing poker (might as well teach my son at an early age). This Grandma had no trouble recalling or playing correctly. Okay, she gets a little forgetful as to what beats what but I’ve played with many people who have trouble keeping that straight.

Ultimately, I’m not the one who can do anything. That decision will either have to be made by my Mother-in-Law or by my wife. Still, I do try to keep my eye on things and pay attention to how well she is doing. Sometimes, it is difficult to get a read and all I can do is hope!

Getting To Know You

I was over at my Mother-in-law’s today and made a comment tongue-in-cheek. I got away with it (at least for now), but the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced (and am convinced) that I hit the nail on the head.

My wife’s mom was going through some papers and throwing things out. She made a comment about not wanting to do it and I told her she could stop. She said that was true as ultimately this would become my wife’s responsibility (to take care of her estate once she dies- which is a number of years away). My mother-in-law then made a comment about how her daughter would just throw things away without even looking at them.

Now, my wife is meticulous with things like this, almost to a fault. She is very detailed oriented and has been taking care of her mother’s bills since her mom suffered the stroke. I know how careful my wife would be about going through things like this. So, I responded by saying, “It’s amazing how much you and your daughter don’t really know each other”.

This is definitely a two way street. My wife gets frustrated with her mom over stupid little things that she should let slide. She does not give her mom credit or recognize what she can do or try to give her some independence to do some of these things on her own.

My comment, which just kind of slipped out, is definitely accurate. Neither one really knows who the other is, or what the other is all about.