Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Plot

My dad used to comment when he went shopping, how there was a plot against him. He would joke that just as he got to the front of the line, a cashier needed to cash out, or one of the managers needed to do a pickup of some money. My dad used to joke that at one point he was truly convinced they did this just because they knew he had gotten to the front of the line and it was a plot against him. Of course, he eventually came to the realization that while it was frustrating, it was not by design.

The other day my mother-in-law called while my son was doing homework. My wife had just got him to settle down and focus on his work after about a half hour struggle with him insisting he was not doing it, when the phone rang. That was it, my son was no longer focused on his work. He talked to grandma and then refused to go back to his homework.

My wife was absolutely convinced that this was a plot against her. She knew her mom had figured my wife had just got the little one to calm down to do his work and she deliberately called just to distract my son. I heard her complain how she had just gotten our son to settle down and didn’t her mom know better.

Only difference was, unlike my dad, my wife never realized that this was not the case, although I can appreciate the frustration of trying to refocus him on his homework.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Selective Memory

I used to talk with my Dad about people having selective memories. We remember things not the way they occurred, but the way we want to remember. Of course they are based in reality, but we remember making a comment showing how intelligent we were or how we diagnosed the situation so quickly, when in fact that never happened. That is just one example. I do not think this is a bad thing, but it does happen.

There is a variation of that and this is when we want someone to do something for us, so we make exceptions, but we do not make them for other people. Due to the Jewish Holidays and then my son not feeling well, it has been a few week since I got him over to his grandmother, my mother-in-law. I got him there today.

I am fighting a respiratory infection, but I am on antibiotics. She told me I should stay away from my son so I do not give it to him (who do you think gave it to me). When I pointed out that if I stayed completely away from him she would not be seeing him today, her attitude change. It was okay for me to do that, but other than that, I should stay away.

My wife has Pneumonia. She too is on antibiotics and getting better, but she still has it, is not feeling great and is coughing up a storm. She too was told, by her mother, to stay away from our son. When her mom, however, needed something from the store, she called my wife to ask her to get it. My wife has to stay away from her grandson, but she can go out to the mall and infect the whole community.

Again, I do understand where she is coming from and I think many of us would take a similar approach. Still, it is important that we always consider the source and why certain things are being said. We do not have to fight out every issue but we can, and I think should, engage in what I call selective hearing. Sometimes the smartest thing is just to pretend you did not hear. That is often the solution to selective memory.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Hanging Up

My wife has gotten frustrated that, for the past few years, when the two of them get into arguments on the telephone, her mom will just hang up. I do not know that this is actually such a terrible thing, but I certainly understand the frustration. Well her mom called yesterday and wanted my wife to go to the store to buy her some things. My wife has not been feeling very well and refused to do it. And that point I hear my wife say in frustration, “She hung up again”.

Not less than 30 seconds later, the telephone rings and it is her mom calling back. I just hear the one side of the conversation. “No mom, you hung up on me, “ followed by, “Well then, we must have gotten disconnected”. This is followed by a little more arguing and then the phone being hung up.

My wife says to me, again in frustration, “I cannot believe she called back to see if I hung up”. Now, it seems to me that she should appreciate this call. Here she gets frustrated with her mother for just hanging up and she thinks her mom did it again. With this phone call, it would seemingly be apparent, at least at for this onetime, that it was not her mom hanging up. Since her mom’s line also got disconnected she (my mother-in-law) called to see what happened. Again, I would have taken the call as a positive sign, as knowing that I got frustrated for her hanging up, when that was not what she did, or was trying to do.

As I have said before, Oh well, I guess we are all very different people.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Back To "Normal"

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted an entry. Between the Jewish Holidays and my son not feeling well with croup like conditions, things have been crazy. The good news is, my mother-in-law is out of the rehab and back in her assisted living program. In fact, she does not even need an aide. My wife feared it might be a 24 hour necessity, or certainly around meal times and morning time. Instead, she was given a regimen, a walker and will be having someone come to her to do physical therapy. As things go, this is about the best to hope for.

My wife, not surprisingly, has been going crazy trying to get everything set. She wanted to make sure when her mother got back to her apartment at the assisted living facility, it had all the comforts of home. It is hard to know what my mother-in-law thought as no matter what her mom said, my wife would hear it a particular way. Of course, the reason she hears it in a less than positive tone is, that is the way her mom often reacts to her. That is the unfortunate part of this whole thing.

My mother-in-law has been calling numerous times a day to check up on her grandson. He is fine. It is a sickness, it is being treated, and there are far worse things that many other kids are stricken with, this will pass. Still, Grandma is concerned about her grandson. My wife, however, works nights and is trying to get sleep during the day and having her mom call a few times a day prevents that from happening. In addition, my wife is convinced that her mom does not believe her when she tells her something. “Could you please call my mom and tell her that her grandson is fine,” or “Could you please call my mom and tell her you will be coming over for a visit later today,” or “Could you please call my mom and tell her…,” you fill in the rest, are not uncommon requests she will make of me because she feels her mother does not believe what she (my wife) says. Again, this could be true or it could be perception. Problem is, if it is perception, than for my wife, it is reality.

Well, I guess you could say, things are getting back to normal.